i thought i was too far gone, but now
.. everything is going to change <3






that is in her info. i'm doing this to myself.
but oh my god do i hate her.

last night i finally found the words to explain to jared why i felt so easily upset over this. She has stepped onto my territory before, she has taken his attention from me and she has TAKEN MY SPOT IN BED before. he said "things were a lot different then." True. I said this, and then i said that it still doesn't change the territory thing. I said that every single thing in me is screaming for me to defend my territory, my place. BUT I AM NOT OUT OF RESPECT FOR HIM. I said that everything in me wants nothing more than to knock her teeth down her throat.

he called me immature and said he was disappointed in me.

i then told him there were many other ways i could be immature about this, but that i was actually handling it quite maturely considering how strongly i feel about it. he did not understand. i said that almost any girl i know would have IMed the stupid bitch by now and told her where to go. I said that I didn't, nor would I, do that OUT OF RESPECT FOR HIM. Which is a rather level-headed decision if you want my opinion. He just said that me doing that would piss him off. Orly? Gee, thanks so much for the update. I'M FUCKING AWARE OF THAT, THANKS.

idk so i went to bed angry. and he had his hand on my hip. he said "i'm not angry." oh, that's great. thanks. YOU SAID YOU WERE FUCKING DISAPPOINTED, NOT ANGRY. i'm glad none of that changed, i'm glad you didn't consider MY POINT OF VIEW.


oh and he's going to talk to her. fuck my life. he's going to say something about no harm no foul. that's it. i asked what he'd do if she pushed it (BECAUSE SHE FUCKING WANTS HIM, SERIOUSLY - WHO CAN SAY SHE DOESN'T?) and he said he didn't know but that he'd shut it down. that he doesn't want to be friends. i keep saying i dont know why he has to just forgive her because it gives her the impression that he is up for another shot, esp since he is avoiding mentioning a girlfriend. I DONT UNDERSTAND THAT.

he also mentioned how it's irritating or something that this has caused so many fights and he's tempted to just block her & delete everything. just tempted. it's caused a handful of fights, he knows how much it upsets me, etc - BUT HE IS ONLY TEMPTED. he's not going to do this, he just thought about it for a second. how can being the bigger man, being the mature one TO HER so heavily outweigh the stress it's causing between us?

2 jump in

If you are easily made uncomfortable, I would suggest leaving now.
(x