i'm back. there are trillions of flies and i want to burn the apartment down to be rid of them. jared took away my fly swatters. i have had my period all week, so no sex. and now that it is nearly over, i have acquired a uti. i should hate my life. i have a headache. probably from all the chemicals he's been spraying on the flies rather than me swatting them. did you know that wearing headphones for an hour multiplies the bacteria in your ear by 700 percent? fucking gross, right?

i shaved my legs yesterday and within five hours i was stubbly again. when i complained about this, jared rubbed them for a minute or two and said they were fine, haha.

my birthday party will be july 18th. i'm excited. hopefully it will also come bearing a new tattoo for me. i got so fucking blown the other night. i know it's dumb but it was great, i haven't been blown like that in a long time so it was a nice release. it probably had something to do with the whiskey. i always have a good time on whiskey, and i also sleep like a baby.

jared will be home in about an hour. i have the fridge in the middle of the kitchen and all 11 beer cases out on the porches. i was looking for maggots. ever since i put the beer cases outside the flies have nearly stopped appearing. eureka! though he isn't going to like it because he didnt want the cases on the porch.

well i dont like flies buzzing in hordes all over my house, i'm sorry.

ugh, and flies produce maggots and the cycle will go on. fuck my life. oh, by the way. the day my internet was shut off, i decided to clean instead. so i went to the kitchen and the trash smelled terrible, so i went to take it outside even though it's jared's job. that's when the maggots happened. we have a plastic trash thing in the closet, and when i pulled the bag out of it they went everywhere. when i realized what they were, i freaked out and screamed and ran away. then i composed myself and went back because, fuck, it's MY FUCKING HOUSE. So i went back and, even though i wanted to scrub the skin from my body instead, i cleaned it all up. i sat on my knees for TWO AND A HALF HOURS digging maggots from between the floorboards, sobbing during some of the worst parts. =[ it was horrifying and i wanted to die. i've never had to deal with maggots and i want to know what the fuck was in the trash to have brought them into my world. yet i don't want to know. the trash was only two days old. anyway. when jared came home i was just getting out of the shower and he immediately knew something was wrong and pressured me to tell him. when i did i sobbed hysterically the whole time and for a good ten minutes after. he kept saying i should have called him and he would have come home. bah.

so yeah, now the flies are everywhere and i hope to god it was the beer bottles so that now they're outside and i can move on with my life.


UPDATE: the flies have not stopped. fuck my life.

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If you are easily made uncomfortable, I would suggest leaving now.
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